I’ve been an entrepreneur for over four years and it’s been so much harder than I expected it to. To be completely honest, I’m not happy with how it’s been going, and I’m hell bent on turning that around.
These four years have been a masterclass in bullsh*t I didn’t even know I believed about myself. I’m exhausted from running in circles, trying to get noticed and go viral and constantly assessing the best way to label myself just to be palatable and digestible enough to sell a $19 Notion Template.
I’m over it. I’m tired of getting my ass kicked.
Struggle is not the reason why I chose the creative path — freedom is.
So, after years of playing whack-a-mole with my self-esteem, I’m labeling, and climbing out of the invisible boxes I put myself in. These boxes (especially the ones labeled horrifyingly obnoxious things like “niche” and “algorithm”) have allowed me to stay small and live in a fantasy that one day it will magically sort itself out. Anne Lamott brilliantly calls this “the fantasy of the uninitiated.”1
It’s time to be braver, more open, and easier with my energy so I can transcend this persistent tug for a bigger, louder, more audacious and beautiful life.
So, I’ve gone National Geographic on myself. I’ve been watching and observing, and here are 7 of the patterns of self-sabotage that I’ve been using to make everything harder than it needs to be:
🏃♀️ Little Miss Hyper-Independent
There’s this voice in my head always convincing me that asking for help means I suck and I’m a loser, and it’s such a goddamn lie.
Trying to do everything on my own has been exhausting, and it’s stunted my growth.
But, allowing myself to be loved, seen, and supported on my creative path means letting people in. Letting them see beyond the highlight reel, and that’s scary as fuck.
But creative freedom doesn’t survive in isolation—it thrives in connection.
🤨 Overthinking My Way Into a Corner
Oh god, the overthinking.
I’ve lost count of how many creative ideas I’ve talked myself out of because they didn’t feel “good enough,” or the logistics were “too complicated.”
What I’ve learned is that creative power comes from bold, chaotic action. Creativity loves mistakes and unexpected twists. The magic is in the process, not the polished outcome.
One of my creative affirmations these days is simply to practice closing the gap between my idea and my execution. It forces me to hit publish or launch before I’m 100% certain of what I’m doing and that has done wonders for my creative growth.
👀 Seeking Validation By Telling Everyone About My Ideas
Okay, I see this one e v e r y w h e r e and it drives me NUTS, because I used to do it all the time.
I used to tell everyone all about my ideas before I had anything to show for them. What happens when you do this is that you get the validation (permission) you’re looking for, and then you have no motivation to follow through on the idea. I’ve heard this called getting a “people reward” instead of a “process reward.”
DO NOT — I repeat DO NOT— seek validation and permission to create what you want.
You have to learn to validate yourself and your own ideas. If you do not do this, you have no chance of successfully creating over the long term, and I really mean that.
Just create it, release it, and keep it moving.
🤡 Being a Jealous Pick-me
How many times have I scrolled through Instagram or Substack and thought, Fuck, I wish I made that!
The longer I hang out in comparison, the more I cut myself off from my own creative power. Their path isn’t my path, and their voice isn’t my voice.
But jealousy is quickly becoming my favorite teacher. It’s pointing me toward something I want and haven’t been able to allow myself to have yet.
These days whenever I come across a woman who is more creatively honest than I am and I feel that familiar jealous ache in my stomach, I summon gratitude instead, because— she in all her audacity— is my fuel.
👷🏻♀️ Playing It Safe
Okay, this is a big one that’s had me stuck— trying to create for Lord Algorithm, instead of just doing whatever the fuck I want.
I often catch myself trying to create something contained and palatable, and yet it’s just feeding my inner people pleaser and perfectionist. It’s that Good Girl behavior sneaking its way into my creativity, which was supposed to be the deepest, truest expression of myself.
My deepest, truest expression is not being on my best behavior. It’s being on my most rebellious behavior, actually, where I’m breaking a lot of the rules I think I’m supposed to follow
When I’m only creating what feels “safe,” my shit is boring as hell and my work gets stagnant. All the good stuff comes from taking risks and speaking from the heart.
❤️🩹 Taking It All Too Personally
I am soft. It’s right here in the name of my newsletter, but this softness has shut me down when it comes to embodying my fullest expression.
One thing I think about all the time when it comes to publicly expressing myself on the internet is that the comments sections are out of my control. When people interact with my content, they will view it through their lived experience, not mine. I hate this, and yet it remains what it is.
So, I’m channeling my inner Mel Robbins, and saying “Let them.”2 I’m releasing the need to care about the comments and the followers and the likes and the metrics. This morning someone even comment on one of my instagram posts “I disagree,” and you know what— I didn’t even fucking care!!!
When I take things too personally, it makes creating feel heavy and uninspired. Letting feedback (or even silence) derail me is like pouring poison directly into the well of my creativity.
📣 Ignoring My Intuition
This might be the sneakiest block of all.
It’s hard to hear my intuition when my low self-esteem is holding the mic and turning the volume allllll the way up on the “nobody cares— what’s the point?” talk track. That version of me can go to hell.
Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to create what I think people like that I lose sight of what I truly want.
But every time I say fuck it, we ball and follow my gut, the work feels better, and it connects with people more deeply.
So, fuck it. We ball.
As of today, I choose something different, bolder, more honest. If for no other reason, I’m making this choice to see what happens, because I am currently writing to you from the alternative and I hate it here.
Anne Lamott, Bird By Bird — one of the best, most honest books I’ve ever read about the creative path
Check out Mel’s new book The Let Them Theory for more. It got me gracefully through getting ghosted last week
Share this post